Ep #37: Who Does That?
Two of the most common things I hear clients say in moments of total frustration are “Who does that?” and “You would think.” As your coach, I’m not going to indulge your confusion and perplexity, because it’s not serving you. Here’s what let’s do instead.
What you’ll find in this episode:
- “Who does that?” It doesn’t matter. The question to ask is, “What are you going to do about it?”
- “You would think…” No need losing valuable time staying perplexed and confused about what someone did. Your job is to evaluate whether or not you’ve been clear about the expectation.
- “Being in someone else’s family is like being in a foreign country.” You have people who were raised in totally different environments than yours.
- Instead of saying – you would think – say, I think…” Instead of “who does that?” – say “I want this done.”
Featured on the Show and Other Notes:
- The Entrepreneurial Management Program.
- The Founder’s Lab is my private coaching program for female founders who are generating more than 7-figures in their revenue. It’s a complement to the Entrepreneurial Management program and is a part of the work you get as a client of mine. This isn’t a “class.” I don’t give you copious tons of things to do. I give you the ones that matter and then we keep talking about them. We apply them. That’s why it’s called the Founder’s Lab.
- There is also the Founder’s Lab Fundamentals – for women who have just gotten started hiring people –making about $200-300K in their business.
- Go here to book an appointment with me.
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Hey, everyone, I’m Kris Plachy, and this is How To Lead for Female Entrepreneurs and Founders, because the best way to grow a business is to grow the person who’s running it. Let’s go ahead and get started.
Hello and welcome to the podcast today. How are you? I hope you are well and happy. I also hope that you’re down for a little fun today because that’s how I like to think about this topic. It’s born out of actual conversations, I mean everything I do is born out of actual coaching conversations I have with my clients, which hopefully is why it all resonates so well for you because we’re all dealing with some of the same issues. And so what I want to talk to you about are two of the most common things I hear my clients say in moments of total frustration.
The first one is, who does that? I mean, who does that? Who does that? And I want you to think about the last time an employee, or a colleague, or a vendor, or a family member said, “Seriously, who does that?” And evaluate the fact that, first of all, that question feels really good in the moment because of course, you feel so accurate, like you would never do that and so who would do that? Somehow the way that you think about doing things is, of course, the right way and that other people’s way of thinking about and then going about their business of doing it is the wrong way. That’s kind of what that comment is. And also how it shuts you off of focusing on what the real issue, which is, who does that? “Okay, well, they did. So what do you want to do about it?” Is really more where I want you to spend your time.
But I was on a group coaching call a couple of weeks ago and this came up. There was one particular client, she just kept saying it. She’s like, “Seriously? Who does that? Like seriously.” And it was so funny Because I could totally… We all do that. I have this very vivid memory of being in the cafeteria of the company that I worked for and standing with a dear friend of mine, Chad bandy, so shout out to you Chad, and we were both frustrated with, let’s say, people in the business. It was a lot of lack of activity and results, and so he’s got a great sense of humor, and he went into this sort of speech about, “So when you say that you do things and you have things to do, and you’re going to get to your things that you have to do but you’re busy doing things, what is it that you’re actually doing when you have things to do? When you say you have to go do something, what do you actually do when you say that you’re doing something?” We had this whole kind of conversation, which I think we’ve managed to pick up from time to time as well from that point on.
And so that perplexity that we’re confronted with when someone does something that we can’t even imagine would occur to them or when they don’t do something, they say they’re going to do the thing and then they don’t, who does that? Who says they’re going to do something and then they don’t do it? Who shows up late to work 12 out of 14 days? Who wears that outfit in public? Who?
I just actually had a call just now, who literally threatens to quit every time they don’t like a policy I come up with? Who does that? And for me, of course as your coach, I’m going to not indulge your confusion and your perplexity because it’s not serving you. And I’m just going to tell you here’s who does that, they do. So what do you want to do about it? They’re showing you, they do that, that they did it. So questioning who does it or trying to figure out their motivation for who does it, why they did it, or analyzing their lives and their previous work experience and their whatever. It doesn’t serve you. Who does that? They do.
Now, what are you going to do about it? That’s what I want you to think about. Can you do that part? Are you willing to do that part?
The second thing I would invite you to notice, I’m just curious, this is another one of my clients’ go-tos, is you would think. This is another favorite. #You would think someone who’s worked here for four years would know better. You would think someone who’s making $100,000 a year would try harder, wouldn’t say something like that, wouldn’t do something like that. You would think someone who’s been doing this for as long as they have would not do that or would know about that. You would think.” Same thing, so when you put yourself in that relationship, “Seriously, you would think that somebody who’s been making that kind of money already knows how to… ” Right? It doesn’t put you in a position of identifying a solution.
Now, I really am giggling my way through this podcast because it’s almost silly and yet, I watch my clients lose valuable time staying perplexed and confused about what someone did because they want to know why and they just… “I can’t understand who would do that? You would think that they would know they just… ” You stay in this sort of spiral of indulging your perplexity and wanting to attach meaning and find reasons for it, I don’t know that that’s necessary. Your job, when you aren’t getting a result that you want, or when something happens in your company that you don’t think should have happened, or when you think a hundred thousand dollar employee isn’t performing the way that they should be according to you, your job is to evaluate, have I been clear about the expectation? Have I really, really ironed out what I’m looking for, what I expect them to do, what I expect the result to be?
And if that’s the case, and now we’re getting into this repeated pattern where they’re really doing things that it’s coming out of left field for you every time, then we have to question, are they adhering to the expectation? Do they align with your values? Do they align with the purpose and vision of your company? Because that is what matters. And that is honestly why… I know I preach this a lot, the foundations of your business are so critical for you to get into place, because it helps you make all these other decisions. When you haven’t put them in place, it does feel a little erratic.
I don’t know if you’ve heard this sort of, I don’t know, it’s not a metaphor… I guess it could be. But I don’t know if you’ve ever heard this where they say that if being in someone else’s family is like being in a foreign country, have you ever heard that? So I think about that when I think about my clients who have employees, you have people who were all raised in totally different environments than yours and they learned different life lessons, they learned different ways of working in the world, they learned what was right and wrong, they learned perception, they learned bias, they have their own assumptions of what is true. And that is their filter for how they see the world. It doesn’t make your way or their way right or wrong. It just means everybody has their own. And so then, you bring these people into your company and of course there’s going to be these interesting ways of thinking like, “Wait a minute, who does that? Oh, they do.”
So then, what do you want to do, is what I want you to be thinking about, not trying to figure out why. “What happened that they would do that?” That doesn’t serve you. It slows you down. It causes delay. The same thing with you would think. So instead of saying, “You would think somebody who’s making this much money or has this much responsibility,” whatever you would put at the end of that, let’s just say I think. “I think somebody who’s making $100,000 should know how to do this. I have learned today that this person doesn’t know how to do this. So what do I want to do about it?” I think this, not you would think, they.
And who does that can be replaced with, I want this done, not who does what they did? So this is this podcast is a little tongue in cheek only because I want you to hear me acknowledging that I love you to pieces and we all do it. We all sit there with our head in our hands, saying “Seriously… ” I don’t know if you can imagine me right now dragging my face down, pulling my eyes down, “Seriously, who does that?” We all have those moments, you guys. So that’s just being human and being intrigued by the uniqueness of life in humans. But staying there doesn’t help you. It slows you down.
So when you want to ponder why someone did what they did, how about we just instead tell ourselves the truth, here is what they did, what do I want to do about it? And when we want to ponder the things that we think people should do, or could do, or should be capable of, and they don’t demonstrate that they are, let’s just tell ourselves, “I think my expectation is that if I pay someone $100,000 this would be what they’re doing. And then I go about the business of setting that expectation, re clarifying it, and then ultimately, holding people accountable if they’re not doing it right.” So just be careful that you don’t slip there.
I watched some of my clients, a lot of you guys… I should say you gals, but a lot of the women who listen, you have a person in your business that works closely with you. Most of us do that. And I do have this little intuitive hit every now and then I can watch with my clients where I can see that that person, whoever that person is that is like your right hand, you guys can spiral into this together.
So someone does something at work, they don’t tell the truth, they continue to be late, they make a really big mistake, and then you and person go into, “Are you serious? Who does that? I mean, you would think that someone who’s been here for as long as they have would not do that.” And then the two of you are now trying to dissect, “Well, I thought last time I noticed that maybe it’s because the… ” You just start to figure out… You’re trying to figure out who does that. Stop it. Don’t do that. It doesn’t serve you. Now you’re gossiping, you’re doing all the things. Let’s just say, “Oh yeah, no, no, no, we don’t know why they did that, but we want them to do this.” And so let’s redirect and see if they’re capable of doing the thing we want them to do instead of the thing that they thought they should do or that they didn’t even think about, but they just did. I hope that makes sense. Thanks for tuning in today. Have a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful day.
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