Ep #97: Resisting What Is
Do you find yourself resisting “what is”? As we reflect back on the monumental year that was 2020, we can learn lessons that help us grow and move forward. While we could fixate on what we wish hadn’t happened, this keeps us stuck in the past. It is important to work within our realm of control and accept “what is.” This leads to empowerment and strength!
What you’ll find in this episode:
- Kris shares her current sources of intellectual nutrition.
- A new mindset during an unprecedented year.
- What to think about this holiday season.
Featured on the Show and Other Notes:
- The Archer by Paulo Coelho
- You Were Born For This by Chani Nicholas
- Loving What Is by Byron Katie
- What books are you reading? Share on Instagram and tag me!
- We’re preparing for our live, virtual retreat! Join us for the How to CEO program which starts January 20, 2021. Go to howtoceojoin.com to get on the wait list to access the early registration!
- Let me know what questions you have or what you think at firstname.lastname@example.org
- I’d be honored, if you find this podcast of value, if you would write a review. Then DM me on Instagram or Facebook or email me at email@example.com and let me know it was you. Then we’ll send you my favorite books list!
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Hey, I’m Kris Plachy, host of The Lead Your Team Podcast. Running a million dollar business is not easy. And whether you’re just getting started with building your team, or you’ve been at this for a while, I’m going to bring you honest, specific and clear practices you can use right now, today, to improve how well you lead your team. Let’s go ahead and get started.
Well hi, how are you? Welcome. Just welcome. I listen to podcasts. I don’t listen to a ton. I’m very thoughtful about as Dr. Camille Broussard Wise who is on my team would say. I’m very thoughtful about my intellectual nutrition. And so I don’t digest a lot unless I’m really in a craving mode. So the two books that I’ve recently been dabbling with and reading, it’s just sort of how I explain what I do is The Archer by Paulo Coelho. He wrote The Alchemist. It’s a beautifully written book. I’m only probably several, I don’t know, 20 or 30 pages in, but it’s just so beautiful. And then the other book I picked up, because our paths crossed is You Were Born For This, which is written by Chani Nicholas and the subtitle is Astrology For Radical Self-acceptance. And it’s lovely.
I think I saw this somewhere, it’s called ominist. I don’t know if I have the pronunciation of that right. I don’t tend to subscribe to any particular religion. I tend to believe that all religions have consistent truths in them. And so I like to devour lots of ideas and philosophies around relationships with spirituality and who we are. So anyway, to the extent that it is valuable to you to have a couple of other perspectives I share with you those books. And certainly, I always love to hear what books you’re reading. You can always share that and post it on Instagram and tag me. And then I’d love to know what book that is that you’re into.
So today, this is a holiday week here in the US and for many others, this is the week of Christmas, this podcast will release. And as I am doing a lot of reflecting and a lot of thinking, and we’re sort of in the throws of I’m getting ready for the live virtual retreat that I will be hosting with women from all over, who are going to be in my How To CEO Program or my How To CEO Lab Program. I’m just doing a lot of thinking. And what I think one of the primary lessons for this year, not just for me, I do believe this is for everyone is something I’ve actually been teaching for years. I read a book years ago by Byron Katie called Loving What Is. If you haven’t read it, it’s exceptional. And from that, I sort of developed my own version of it, which I call resisting what is which is a similar concept. Sometimes I can’t get to love, but I can recognize if I’m in resistance.
And so when we resist what is, I was actually doing my very first Hawaii retreat. And like, it’s always the case, this question just sort of surfaced for me with the women and one guy that I was with in that retreat in 2012. I asked one of my clients, what do you wish wasn’t? And I watched her brain go, what? I’m like, just sit with it. What do you wish wasn’t? And that’s where you find your points of resistance. Now on March 13th, when at least that’s in my world, when we realized, okay, the whole world just is stilting on its axis. There was a lot of wishing what wasn’t. I was wishing I wasn’t in Dallas, but I was, and I had to get home. I had a 30 minute call with my son who was freaking out that I wasn’t home. He wished that I wasn’t away from home during a time that felt very scary for him. I wished that my clients were not shutting their doors. I wished that there wasn’t a pandemic. I wished that there wasn’t better leadership to help our country navigate this moment.
There are so many things that just for me, that I wish wasn’t. I had to have surgery several weeks ago. I wished that wasn’t the case. And I got in the car with my husband after I found out I had to have the surgery and I just was yelling, I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want this. I don’t want that this. But I had it and I had to do it and I had to deal with it. So I like to think that because I’ve been doing a lot of this work for so long, I still personally have those moments. I wish this wasn’t happening and yet I don’t live there because it’s so unuseful. And I have found that the women I have worked with over this year are able to recover faster. It’s interesting because I have worked with, let’s just say roughly 60 women all year, right off and on. And with very little and minute exception, most of my clients are doing well financially and they’re managing these moments.
I started the How To CEO Program in September and intersected with quite a few women who I hadn’t worked with most of the year. And it was interesting to note … I have no judgment here. It’s just interesting to note that the women who hadn’t been getting coaching were really still quite stuck in the moments from March and April, that a lot of us really navigated and got ourselves through in that first sort of second quarter of the year. And so it just really reminds me that we have to pay attention to that. It feels very legitimate and valid. I just wish this wasn’t happening. I just wish. And we argue in our minds and we argue with friends, we sit there and we’re like, no, this shouldn’t be happening. And we argue and I do it too. We all do it. But do you stay there? If you stay there, you force yourself, you force yourself into suffering and you prevent yourself to move out of it.
And the problem is, as a leader, that’s paralyzing not just for you, but for everybody on your team. You can’t live in what you wish wasn’t, you have to acknowledge this is what is. We just in California, went into another shutdown and I’m watching the small businesses around me. Some are literally begging you to buy from them. And others are saying, yeah, this sucks, but here’s what we’re doing instead. Do you want to join me? Do you want to come and show up with us? And that, to me, my friends is where your power will always be. So sitting in anger, blame, justifications, resentment, burden overwhelm is not going to get you different and new and better results. We have to tell ourselves the truth. You have to acknowledge what the truth means to us. And then we have to get about the business of managing, working within our realm of control.
So I can’t control a virus, but I can control how I manage it, how I decide, how I work within it. The decisions I make as a family unit, we make as a unit, the decisions I make for my business, the decisions I make for how I support my clients in business. I get it. But the faster you can flip that switch, that means the faster you get back into a position of strength and empowerment and being emboldened, instead of feeling helpless, powerless victim-like, burdened, resentful.
So in this week of holidays, when I know there are many of you who are not with people you would love to be with, this is the first Christmas of my entire 51 year life that I will not be with my mom for Christmas. And it’s soul crushingly sad. I’m getting teared up, talking about it. I’m sad for her. I’m sad for my kids. I’m sad for me. And I’m just sad. So I’m just allowing that. And at the same time we’ve already talked and we have a plan and we got to tripod, and we have an iPad and we’re going to do stockings together. And I’m going to just ship her a stocking and we’re going to do FaceTime and we’re going to make it work. And does it suck? Sure. But are we doing this because it’s aligned with our values? Yes. She’s 82. I have 3 teenage kids. It would be absolutely, from my value perspective, irresponsible to be in the same room with her right now.
So this is the right thing to do, even though it’s sad. It’s awful. And I know there are more of you. I know there’s parents who are away from their younger kids. I know that there are siblings who aren’t seeing each other. I know that there are people who are ill, but arguing with it is not useful. You identify what your values are and you decide how you’re going to go forward. So in this year, when I know this is true for all of us in different ways, it’s been profound to each of us in different ways. And there isn’t a wrong way or a right way that you’ve been managing yourself, and your team, and your business, and your family and your mind through this moment.
But what I can tell you for sure, is a recipe for not getting what you want is focusing on what you wish wasn’t. Instead, we say, yes, this is. Now, what am I going to do about it? And you might just throw a little damn it at the end of that sentence, and it feels a little more empowering. So just know I’m sending you massive amounts of love, support, wisdom and peace. This will all pass and something new and amazing is on its way. I know that. I know that for sure. Talk to you next time.
One more thing before you go. In a world of digital courses and online content, I like to work with my clients live because I know that when you have someone you can work with, ask questions of and meet with, you’re so much more likely to get the success that you want. So head on over to howtoceolive.com to learn more about our very exciting, very exclusive program just for female entrepreneurs. We’ll see you there.