| Control,
You sneaky devil. You tricked me. For so much of my life, you taught me to believe you would always be there. That I could always… if I tried hard enough… rely on you, Control, for just about anything… My business results. My kids choices. My spouse. My body. My feelings. My happiness. My… well…world… But then… You and 2020 met somewhere in the universe or interwebs. I’m sure you battled hard on behalf of all your ‘Freaks’. Those of us who’ve brandished the label for years. We all recognize each other with our common refrain… “Oh me… I know, I’m a Control Freak”. But alas, Control… You lost the fight with 2020. And now, I’m left realizing I can rely on you, Control for … well… almost nothing. I cannot control illness. I cannot control other people’s behavior. I cannot control other people’s emotions. I cannot control a virus or a disease. I cannot control my neighbors or my government. I cannot control whether or not people wear their masks correctly. I cannot control *&(T%* anything. I gave it all to you so I didn’t have to do the work and heavy lifting. I didn’t have to learn or practice how to manage my own mind. I didn’t have to learn or practice how to pay attention to my emotional triggers and develop my emotional maturity. I tuned out the wisdom of my own body and just did what I was told to do by others who I believed would give me control of my results. Control, you taught me how to be numb. I believed with enough force, you-had-the-wheel. I was wrong. But there is good news…
In your absence I’ve discovered Peace and Grace. I’ve replaced you with intuition and wisdom. I’ve released you to allow for actually what ‘is’. I’ve dropped my resistance to the truth and to the uncontrollable. Instead, I’ve realized and know that no matter what…I will be okay. So… Control… As we embark on another turn around the sun. I release you. I want you to also know Peace. Peace and grace want to love you, not to force you. Peace has no compulsion to it. Peace isn’t numb… it’s present and knowing and honest and truthful. Peace and grace are invitations to something you never knew existed. I see now how we needed to part ways. And so… along with many other ‘un-necessaries’… I bid you farewell, Into the ethers of 2020… the year that will for sure inform and transcend a generation. Peace, Kris |
