Ep #125: Entrepreneurial Overwhelm
Today we’re talking about “overwhelm” – probably in a way that you haven’t thought or heard about it before – in hopes of providing you with some relief and the ability to move forward in a different way. Overwhelm is not an enemy – it’s just an indicator light.
What you’ll find in this episode:
- Kris’s personal experiences with overwhelm.
- Why women need a place to go where they can just think and reflect and be filled up.
- How our life’s trajectory changes over the years.
- To the degree that you remain overwhelmed is parallel to the degree that you believe you are helpless to make change.
- The importance of when you say “yes.”
- Make a list of everything that you have on your plate, then really evaluate them from a feeling perspective.
- You created this. You can totally deconstruct it.
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Hey, I’m Kris Plachy, host of the Lead Your Team podcast. Running a million dollar business is not easy. And whether you’re just getting started with building your team, or you’ve been at this for awhile, I’m going to bring you honest, specific, and clear practices you can use right now, today to improve how well you lead your team. Let’s go ahead and get started.
Hello, gorgeous. How are you today? Thanks for tuning in. I hope that you are happy, and healthy, and wealthy, and wise, all the things. We’re having a great time, beautiful summer, loving it all. And wish you were here. When are you coming? I’m waiting to meet you. I’m talking to you.
Seriously. I know who you are. You’re sitting there. You listen every week. You love the podcast. You’ve binged them. You’ve listened to them all. Maybe some of them, many times. You keep thinking, maybe I should work with Kris, but I should be able to do this on my own. I mean, right. Because every time you listen to a podcast, you’re like, oh yeah, I need to do that. I need to do that. I just talked to someone yesterday and we had like a 15 minute chat. She’s a friend of a friend and she’s having some challenges in her business. And I kind of walked through what I heard her say and what I would recommend.
And she’s like, yeah, you’re exactly right. I need to do all of that. I’m like, all right. She said, okay, I’ll call you and let you know how it goes. Like, okay. Didn’t do it. But here’s the thing, I know because I have a coach. So I know that we all have the best intentions, but see, there’s this other part that happens, which is life. And it gets in the way. And then we don’t do the things we think we should do and we want to do, because we don’t have anybody who’s really in our corner.
I would be lost without my coach, Natalie. I just love her. She’s ugh, heaven. So listen, I see you. I can hear you. And I think you should just raise your hand, make an appointment, come to howtoceoregister.com. Talk to Amy. She is amazing. She and I have known each other for 14 years. She’ll answer all the things and then you’re going to know for sure. And then we’re going to meet and it’s going to be amazing. Okay.
All right. So today we’re going to talk about overwhelm. I actually have a four-part course that I created on overwhelm that we sometimes offer to folks when they start the, How to CEO Program. But also it is part of our lab, which is our continuity program once you do the 12 weeks of How to CEO. And what I thought I would do today is give you kind of an overview of really about overwhelm maybe in a way that you haven’t thought or heard it before. And hopefully, in a way that gives you some relief and some ability to give yourself a little permission to move forward in a different way.
So, first of all, I want to really help you understand that I really understand overwhelm. I come from a long life of overwhelm. I have this very vivid memory of when I was a younger woman with four year olds or six year old son and two year old twins. And I shared this story recently. I think it was on Instagram. I’m not sure, but it’s just such a vivid memory. And I was sitting in a playroom that we had built onto our house and it was a pouring rain day. It was cold. I have these twins who were little and so cute, but very busy two year old twins. And they were watching the Backyardigans. If you have kids who are in their teens ages, you know who the Backyardigans are.
And I was sitting at this little, tiny desk that we had in our playroom because I worked in a company at the time. I didn’t have an office. And I just figured out how to make a website. And I made one and I figured out how to put pictures in it. And I figured out how to upload music and I uploaded this song by James Taylor, which is still a huge favorite of mine, it’s called Like Everyone She Knows. It’s a beautiful song. If you don’t know it, download it.
And I just sat there, and I created this whole website about how women needed a moment to think. And women need a place to go where they can just think and reflect and be filled up. Because as women, we are just filling other people’s cups all day long. And I don’t say that burdened. I don’t say that like begrudgingly. I just think that’s a truth. And if we’re going to be those people, which I want to be that person. I want my family to know that I’m here and I will support them and I will do everything that seems reasonable to do so. I have no problem with that. In fact, I like it.
I also know that in order to do that and do that well, I have to take sure of myself or then I do get resentful. I do get mad. I get burdened. Right? Hopefully I’m speaking everyone’s truth not just my going crazy. Anyway. And so I just had this vision at that time, right? Like every woman needs a moment to think. And of course I wanted to create this whole environment where it was instead of going and playing Bunco or whatever it was at the time, which I just did not find stimulating. I wanted to have a moment to think, sort of experiences where we would get together and hold each other up.
And that’s what I do now. I have Hawaii retreats. I have a program called How to CEO. It’s your moment to think you all. It’s your two hours, three hours, depending on how many calls you come to every week, you can come one hour, you can come up to four, it’s your moment to think and you need it. So anyway. So my point being, it’s just been years and I’ve known that we all, women struggle with overwhelm. And as I sort of unpacked it for myself, here’s what I realized. When I was young, I wasn’t overwhelmed.
In fact, I was talking to my daughter in the car last night, because I was listening to the radio over the weekend and all these great songs from the 80s came on, songs that I have heard in a long time, like a Luther Vandross song and The Bangles.
I don’t know. There were these songs I hadn’t heard. There’s the 80 songs you hear all the time and then there’s the ones you just don’t hear. And they all were being played and it was amazing. And I knew all the words, which is shocking. I can’t remember one lyric to a song today, but I can remember all the words from the song from 1984. Right? That’s crazy. But my daughter and I were talking about it. I said, I think the reason that that’s true is first of all my, brain was younger and more elastic and all the things, imprinted earlier. But also I didn’t have as much on my mind when I was 16. And so it was easier to integrate information. As a 51 year old, holy camoly, right. There’s so much on my mind all the time. No wonder. I can’t remember who I talked to yesterday, let alone like music.
So what I noticed in my own trajectory is I was really eager as a young woman to get started in my life. Right. I’m going to go get a job. I’m going to start making money and get a husband. I really did all those things in that order. And I was always willing and eager to take on more responsibility, right? So I get this job. I do really well at it. I get promoted. I get this really great boyfriend. We fall in love. We get engaged. I’ll plan a wedding. I’ll plan a honeymoon. I’ll run a team. I know let’s buy a house. I organize the house. I organized getting the mortgage. I organized buying the furniture. I organize decorating.
I know let’s start having parties. I organize the parties. I know let’s get the dogs. I know let’s have babies. I organize the babies, the food, the household. Oh, and by the way, let’s keep getting promoted and taking on more responsibility at work. You all we do this. It’s like, we do it on purpose. Right? We build our lives and women just keep accepting more and more on their plate.
And again, I’m not saying this as a negative, this is just a truth. And then we kind of wake up and it seems to me that it happens to most women that I know anyway, in that latter 30s, early 40s time, where your like well, wait a minute. No, I don’t want to have another fricking party. No, I don’t want everybody here at my house for the holidays. No, I don’t want to take all the kids to all the birthday parties. I don’t want all the slumber parties. We start to be like, whoa, wait a minute.
But here’s the thing, sister love you created this. You made it beautifully, I might add. So don’t put yourself in a position to become victim of the life that you actually built on purpose. That’s when overwhelm kicks in. When you start to tell yourself, you are powerless to your circumstance. And in most of our cases, the circumstance we actually created. Right.
I remember a couple of years ago, I was so quote unquote, overwhelmed in my business. I was like, oh my gosh, I have so much going on. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. And I laughed at myself. I sat down and I’m like, you are hysterical. Everything that you’re telling yourself now that you’re overwhelmed by, you called in. So slow your roll when it comes to manifesting sister. If you don’t… I was doing it to myself.
Even right now, as I record this, I’m recording podcasts in advance because I’m leaving in two days to go spend a week with one of my best girlfriends, which I can’t wait for, but I’m leaving. And all of you entrepreneurs knows what that means, right? There’s things I got to get done. And I can watch my brain either wanting to tell myself, oh my gosh, it’s too much. I can’t handle it. Or no, no, no, no, no, no. We’re designing our life on purpose. Don’t fall into overwhelm and become this victim of a circumstance that you created.
So to the degree that you remain overwhelmed is parallel to the degree that you believe you are helpless to make change. At any given time you can change. You can change how you choose to think, and you can literally change what you decide to do with your time, who you say yes to. Overwhelm is an indication of too many yeses. And I would even add to that, too many passive yeses, obligatory yeses, yeses that do not vibe like high level for you. Because the potential then is stimulated, right? If you say yes to things that just invigorate you, that’s stimulating. That’s not overwhelming. If you say yes to things that don’t feel good to you, that’s where overwhelm, and burden, and resentment kick in.
So let’s take a look at the list, right? Make a list. Everything that you have on your plate, everything that you tell yourself that you have to do. And then you need to look at each one of those things and really evaluate them from a feeling perspective. Does this feel stimulated or burdensome? Now are there things in life that we opt up for that we just know we do? Yeah, of course. But you still don’t have to do them. Right.
I remember when Brooke Castillo, when I first met her as my coach in 2005, six, she said, people were like, well, I have to feed my children, and I have to do this, and I have to pay the bills, and I have to… And she’s like, the truth is you actually don’t have to. And my brain went, what? She’s like, there are mothers who don’t feed their children. There are mothers who don’t pay the bills. How about we just decide, you want to be a woman who feeds her children.
You’re choosing to. You’re choosing to pay the bills. You don’t have to. You just don’t like the consequence. But that’s not a have to, that’s a choice. And you’re having to all over the place. I’m willing to bet that you have a lot of things in your brain that you’re like, oh my gosh, I have to… No, you don’t. You really don’t. You just don’t like the alternative.
So tell yourself the truth and stop creating a burden relationship with your circumstance, especially if it’s one you created. And you can deconstruct your commitments. You could say no a lot more than you say yes. I certainly do. I say way more no now than I used to say yes to. It’s wonderful. The more you say no, the better you get at it. I promise. Right. So let’s make that list of where you’re telling yourself, it’s just too much, all the things you think you have to do. And then we really have to just ask, okay, what stimulates, what burdens? And then, what do you want to do about it? What are you willing to do about it?
Sometimes there’s just times in our business and in our life where it really is a head down moment. You know what, I want to make the goal that we set. I have a employee who’s not working here anymore and there’s a hole in my business and the work has to get done. So for the next two weeks, I’m in. I’m going to do it. And you’re going to do it with grace and love and not anger. And you’re choosing to do it because of what you’re working toward. There are those moments. We just tell the truth. But if you’re chronically that way, because you’re not hiring well, you’re not building the team that supports the business.
You’re not investing in the conversations that get you the results that you need in your business, that is different. That is not growth. That’s hiding. It’s not stepping up and being the leader that you want to be in your business. And the same thing is true in your personal life. Are you saying yes to everybody? Are you compensating for people not doing things in your household? Right.
That’s why I got a personal assistant because I just got so sick and tired of constantly asking for help and not getting it that I’m like, you know what? I’m just going to get help. And I’m going to pay someone who’s going to help me. And she is my favorite part. She comes and she takes care of things in my house. And we have a beautiful relationship. And I don’t hate my family for not doing their laundry. Because she does mine and the laundry room is always clean, right?
What is it that you need my love? And stop using your circumstance as a reason to feel bad. You created this. You can totally deconstruct it, but you have to first decide that you’re in a choice relationship. That’s everything in your life that you signed up for, you raised your hand. And even for those things that you’re going to… I know you’re yelling at me. I didn’t sign up for this. I didn’t… You still show up for it. Why? Except that, that it’s a choice. Whatever it is, you really are choosing it. There is peace there. And then you can decide, okay, so this is what I’ve been choosing now, what am I going to do about it? Or do I want to keep choosing this? What have I said yes to that it really should’ve been a no? And what am I doing regularly that lights me up and stimulates me or drains and burdens me? Let’s tell the truth.
Overwhelm is an emotion that comes from a belief that there’s too much to do. I’ll never get it all done. Too many people want too much from me. Nobody helps me. You name it. There’s lots of thoughts that drive that emotion. But we get there. Most of us in my experience arrive here at this sort of, second half of life by choice, by accepting a lot of responsibility because it was fun. It was fun at the time to decorate the house, and make the dinners, and go grocery shopping, and have the babies, and figure it all out. And it was fun. And there are things I think about that are still fun. And then, but not maybe all the time.
So tell yourself the truth. Okay. And overwhelm is not an enemy. It’s just like an indicator light. It’s like, if we had a control panel, it’s not the alert we’re going to crash light. It’s the warning light. Oh, oh, oh, pay attention. You’re either not managing your mind or you maybe you said yes too much. Or you said yes to things you don’t love, or trying to do too much too fast or. Right. It’s just a little warning light. Let’s not be in an anger relationship with overwhelm. Let’s just let it tell us what it needs to tell us and move along. Okay.
All right. Sunshine. This is the last week to get your, How to CEO journal. Do you want one? It’s white. It’s beautiful. It’s embossed. It’s very pretty. In order to get your, How to CEO journal, you have to write a lovely review on iTunes and share it with us. So we know it was you because everybody has weird iTunes names. We don’t know who you are. So you have to tell us directly, this was my review and send us your information. And we will send you this beautiful journal at our cost. We are only mailing them to folks in the US. I’m sorry to my other friends everywhere else. But please, if that’s something you are down for, go ahead and write that review, send it to us, firstname.lastname@example.org or you can share it with us @krisplachycoach on Instagram. And we’ll get that journal to you.
And in the meantime, if you’re really overwhelmed, you probably need a coach. Maybe you should come to howtoceo.com register and book an appointment. I’m ready are you? Have a good day.
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