S01 Episode 03: A Conversation with Tanya Dalton

 In Podcast

In today’s interview, Kris talks with Tanya Dalton, a nationally recognized productivity expert, best-selling author and speaker. Tanya serves as a growth strategist for female leaders in the corporate and entrepreneurial sectors. Her 12 month mentorship program, The Intentional CEO helps female entrepreneurs grow thriving businesses and thriving personal lives.

Biography

Tanya Dalton

Tanya Dalton is a nationally recognized productivity expert, best-selling author and speaker. Tanya serves as a growth strategist for female leaders in the corporate and entrepreneurial sectors. Her 12 month mentorship program, The Intentional CEO helps female entrepreneurs grow thriving businesses and thriving personal lives.

In addition to having her book, The Joy of Missing Out, being named one of the Top 10 Business Books of 2019 by Fortune Magazine, Tanya’s podcast, The Intentional Advantage is ranked among the top 50 in the self-improvement category on iTunes. She is also a featured expert on several networks including NBC and Fox and is a VIP contributor for Entrepreneur.com. Tanya has been featured in some of the world’s leading publications including Forbes, Inc, Fast Company, and Real Simple. She has been awarded the elite Enterprising Women Award and has been named the Female Entrepreneur to Watch for the state of North Carolina.

Tanya is also the founder and CEO of inkWELL Press Productivity Co. a multi-million dollar company providing tools that work as a catalyst in helping women do less while achieving maximum success.

What you’ll find in this episode:

  1. The three things Tanya is passionate about.
  2. More about Tanya’s new book On Purpose: The Busy Woman’s Guide to an Extraordinary Life of Meaning and Success.
  3. Why we undervalue happiness.
  4. How women use the excuse of their kids to avoid following their dreams.
  5. Why choosing to choose is incredibly important.
  6. Girls are called “bossy” and boys are called “over-confident.”
  7. What choices you need to make on purpose, according to Tanya.
  8. How feeling like the world’s worst mom caused Tanya to change her work schedule.
  9. More about the Extraordinary Life Blueprint – a paint by numbers system to set up your year for success.
  10. Pre-order “On Purpose” and get the Extraordinary Life Blueprint course for free! https://tanyadalton.com/elb

Featured on the Show and Other Notes:

  • The How to CEO program – 12 weeks of advising and coaching, all of the robust blueprint content, PLUS we complement everything with other special guest experts. So, if you are ready to join us, please go to howtoceoregister.com. You can learn all about it, and see all the things you need to see.
  • Come connect with me on Instagram here or on Facebook here.
  • Let me know what questions you have or what you think at hello@krisplachy.com
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Podcast Transcript

Kris:

Hello, everyone. Welcome, welcome. I’m so excited to share this episode of Leadership is Feminine with you. I have a very special guest today for our interview, featuring all of the things that she has to share with other female CEOs, being one that is incredibly successful herself and also works with thousands of female CEOs all over the planet. I’m excited to have her here to announce the release of her upcoming book. Let’s get started.

Kris:

Hey, everyone, Welcome. Welcome. I’m so excited today to have you tune into the interview that I’m conducting with Tanya Dalton. Tanya and I met, gosh, now I don’t remember, probably almost a year ago. She has been working with Allie Brown for quite some time. She and I met through that intersection. Now she and I are both members of the trust, which is Allie’s amazing program. Honestly, as soon as I met Tanya, I just immediately gravitated to her. She’s dynamic. She’s energetic. She’s lovely, generous.

Kris:

If you know Tanya, then my hunch is those words sound very familiar. She really is everything. She shows up as in the way that she is in the world. I’m very grateful to know her. So it’s very honored that she agreed to be on the podcast and super excited for her because she is in the process of almost releasing her brand new book called On Purpose: The Busy Woman’s Guide to an Extraordinary Life of Meaning and Success, which is so cool, we all need that right now. On this podcast, we’re going to be talking about her book and how it’s right on time for so many of us. Tanya is a nationally recognized productivity expert, best-selling author and speaker.

Kris:

She serves as a growth strategist for female leaders in the corporate and entrepreneurial sectors. In addition to her first book, The Joy of Missing out Being Named one of the top 10 business books of 2019 by Fortune Magazine, Tanya’s podcast, The Intentional Advantage is ranked among the top business podcasts on iTunes. She’s also a regular contributor for Entrepreneur, and has been featured in some of the world’s leading publications including Forbes Inc., Fast Company, and Real Simple. She has been awarded the elite enterprising woman award and has been named the Female Entrepreneur to Watch for the state of North Carolina.

Kris:

Tanya is also the Founder and CEO of Inkwell Press Productivity co., a multimillion dollar company providing tools that work, as a catalyst and helping women do less while achieving more, and I can attest to that. I have been one of her clients. She’s outstanding, her products are outstanding, and her message is outstanding. So without further ado, I’m really excited to have Tanya join us on this episode of Leadership is Feminine to talk about all things powerful, related to being a woman, being a CEO, being productive, being productive on purpose, and how she went through the process of reinvention and re-imagining her life as a woman leading a business. Let’s get started.

Kris:

So happy to have Tanya Dalton here. Hi, Tanya.

Tanya:

Hi. So happy to be here.

Kris:

Welcome. Welcome. I’m looking at us as we’re filming this. We both have cute sassy short haircuts.

Tanya:

Yeah, we do.

Kris:

Yeah.

Tanya:

We’re sassy. We’re sassy people.

Kris:

We’re sassy. It’s very summer. Very summer. Okay. So, Tanya, I know I just did the introduction. But I would love for you, in your own words to help the listeners know a little bit about you and how you got where you are and why you do what you do. It’s a pretty general ask, but why don’t we start there?

 

 

Tanya:

Yeah, well, I like to say that I’m a wife, I’m a mother. I’m a CEO, a recovering perfectionist, like many of your listeners. For a long time, I felt like I needed to do all the things. That’s really gotten me to where I am, but figuring out that I don’t have to do all the things. I started out my first business back in 2008. I started it with $50. That was it. It was supposed to be a little side business, kind of a little hobby, while my husband was traveling the world. He would leave our home in Dallas, Texas, and he would buy a ticket called the Around the World ticket. So he would literally fly and circle the globe. He would leave Dallas, and he would come all the way back on, around the other side. So he’d be gone for like three or four weeks at a time. I’m a stay-at-home mom with two small kids. So I thought, “You know what, I’m going to start this little side business. I’ll just do this on the side.”

Tanya:

But I had a conversation with my husband, when he was on the other side of the planet, that changed everything. It changed the whole trajectory of my life in a great way. When I’m talking to him, I’m chatting on about what was happening in our day. He got really quiet and he said, “I’m missing everything. I’m missing all the milestones. I’m missing the moments with the kids. I’m missing all of it.” I said, “Oh no, no, no, you’re not.” He said, “It is. I am. I’m totally missing all of this.” So I hung up the phone that night with my husband. I stood in my kitchen, my bright yellow kitchen. I made a decision that I was going to grow this tiny little side hobby business to the point where he could come and work alongside of me. I was going going to absorb his MBA income.

Tanya:

So he has his MBA working for Fortune 500 companies. I was going to do it within about a year, which is a pretty audacious goal for someone who’s a stay at home mom with zero business experience, never even took a business course in college. Within about a year, that came true, I made that happen. He’s been working with me since 2009. We ran our own business. That allowed us to move to Asheville, North Carolina, which is where we wanted to live. We didn’t want to wait until we retire. We wanted to live where we wanted to live while we were young, relatively young.

Tanya:

Then I looked at him in … We moved here in Asheville 2012. 2013, I looked at my husband and I said, “I love you, I love working with you, but I love what we’re doing.” I’m not really passionate about what we’re creating and putting forth in the world. He said, “Okay, what do you want to do?” I’m like, “I don’t know. What do I want to do?”

Tanya:

So that became this time for me where I had to transition and figure out what is it I want to be when I grow up. Who is it I want to be? So I decided to close down that first business, which was our sole income. That fed my kids three meals a day, they do like to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. They do like to have a roof over their heads. I mean, that’s not a demand. I mean, a little. It’s so demanding, right?

Kris:

Right.

Tanya:

So that was a really scary thing to do. Yet I’m giving myself that time to really figure out what is it I want to do. I really figured out there were three things I’m really passionate about. I’m really passionate about empowering women. I love working with women. I love speaking to women. I love watching the light bulbs light up in women’s eyes. I love talking about productivity and really showcasing how you can spend your days doing things that really matter to you. I like to say productivity is not about doing more. It’s doing what’s most important. I love teaching. I used to be a teacher. So education is a big part of me.

Tanya:

I took those three very unrelated, disconnected things and I connected them. I created Inkwell Press out of those three passions of mine. I opened up Inkwell Press. I scaled it to seven figures within the first 18 months. Here we are years later, I have a podcast. I’ve had a best-selling book. I have another book coming out in October. It’s just snowballed because of this whole idea of shifting and transforming and reinventing who I am.

Kris:

Which is so …

Tanya:

Which is what I love, that we’re talking about that this season.

Kris:

I know, which is the perfect timing. Full disclosure to all the listeners. So this podcast, which is now featuring, right, more of a season with a theme came from Tanya’s brain. So Tanya and I are in a program together. We were talking about podcasts. She shared how she does hers. I absolutely adored the idea and really just anchored on it immediately. I’m such a quick start. As soon as she said it, I was already planning-

Tanya:

You already had a notes.

Kris:

Yeah, and I said to her-

Tanya:

You talked to me and you’re like, “Here’s all these notes of what I’m going to do.”

Kris:

Here’s how it’s going to work. I sent you I think and Ali an email the next day, right, and said, “Okay.”

Tanya:

You did.

Kris:

It’s planned.

Tanya:

Yeah. What do you think? Let me know. I’m like, “Yeah, do it.” Here you are.

Kris:

Here we are. I’m doing it.

Tanya:

Yeah.

 

Kris:

So reinvention is a core theme, too. It’s not so interesting I think that, we can talk more about this, right? But that marriage between security, safety, stability, and then what you have to do, I often think of it as if you’re swinging on a vine in the jungle, you’ve had this one vine that’s really strong and really capable. It goes the distance, it does what you-

Tanya:

It’s held you up the whole time.

Kris:

It gets to be that point where you get to grab on to the next one, and you don’t really know if that one’s strong, if it’s going to hold you. Then you have to let go of the other one because you can’t simultaneously swing on two vines, doesn’t work right?

Tanya:

No.

Kris:

So that’s a common theme, right? When we’re talking about really pivoting, recreating, creating, just even if we take the re off of all of it. So I’m going to want to talk to you a little bit about what you witnessed in yourself through that process. Also, I know you work with other female CEOs too, who go through similar decisions and what that is for them. So okay.

Tanya:

Yes. This is a big part of what I talked about in this new book. We confuse comfort with happiness. Comfort doesn’t necessarily mean happiness. A lot of times comfort means just kind of putting up with things, just kind of like, “Well, this is how it is.” We become comfortable in our own decisions. Then we become free to move away from that, to grab on to that other vine. Yeah, absolutely. You have to step out of comfort. That’s frightening, it really is at times. So it’s not about being fearless. We think mistakenly, a lot of times that we have to be fearless. It’s not about the absence of fear. It’s really bravery. It’s choosing to see the fear and stepping into it regardless, right? So we need to let go of that whole idea that if we’re not fearless, we’re not strong enough. It’s really about choosing to overcome that fear in ourselves.

 

Kris:

Yeah. I wonder what your thoughts are about … So when you made that decision, right? So here you are, you have a successful business. You and your husband are working together, your kids are all having three meals a day.

Tanya:

I mean, yeah, sometimes four.

Kris:

Once they’re teenagers, it’s every hour.

Tanya:

Yeah, it’s all day.

Kris:

You also had to have a wisdom to honor the fact that you weren’t happy, right? So I imagine this is in your book, right? That you stepped away from comfortable that wasn’t happiness, with the risk of creating something that would be more fulfilling, right? So what-

Tanya:

Absolutely.

Kris:

When you reflect on that, and again, I’m assuming this is part of what you talk about in your new book, which is called?

Tanya:

On Purpose: The Busy Woman’s Guide to an Extraordinary Life of Meaning and Success.

Kris:

Brilliant. Okay. We’ll talk more about that. What did you say to yourself that made it … Because a lot of women don’t honor their own insight and their wisdom.

Tanya:

Yes.

Kris:

Right? What was different for you?

Tanya:

Right. Well, I think I think we undervalue happiness, we undervalue joy we really do. We feel like we just are supposed to punch the clock. That there’s this moment far into the future where the clouds will part. The sunshine ray just shoots down, and rainbows appear in the sky, and it’s like then we’ll be happy when we retire. When we land the big client, when we hit seven figures with our business. Win, win, win, win, win, win. Whenever something happens, right? We undervalue the happiness of our everyday lives.

Tanya:

I truly want women to understand that there is happiness nestled right there in the cracks and the crevices of your every days. We just have to choose to see it, we have to slow down and enjoy every moment of getting to that finish line. Because the problem is, is we get so fixated on this someday syndrome, crossing this finish line. That when I get to this goal, then I’m going to be happy. What happens is we reach a goal, it’s actually called the goal setting paradox. You reach a goal and you have this momentary high. It’s an amazing moment. Then it’s followed up with, “Well, now what?” What do I do, and there’s this feeling of dissatisfaction, which is why I think it’s really important that we tie our lives to something bigger.

Tanya:

I mean, I was supposed to write a goal setting book for this book. We talk about goals in it. But goals are not the goal. It’s not about crossing a finish line. It’s really about finding that joy in our every days, of really living to something bigger that helps us rise up and see what we have available to us. We start to have that abundance mindset. So for me, in that moment of choosing, “Gosh you know what, this is really stable. We have this great business that’s making lots of money. But it’s not bringing me joy.” It was really thinking to myself and rooting into this idea of yes, I can pay the bills. Yes, the kids can go do really nice things. Yes, we can afford really expensive things.

 

 

Tanya:

But is that enough for me? The answer was no. It really wasn’t enough for me to get up and feel like I was slogging through my days. So I had to really glom onto that idea of what makes me happy. When you think about any goal, any dream, any aspiration, isn’t it steeped in happiness? Why do you want to finish a marathon? So you can be happy when you cross the finish line. Why do you want to lose those 10 pounds? So you can be happy and feel good and competent in your clothing? Right? Why do you want to run your own business? So you can be happy not working for somebody else. It’s all steeped in happiness. But we feel like happy, it’s a soft kind of thing, right? We focus in on the metrics and the numbers. I think metrics and numbers are important.

Tanya:

But we become so fixated on them. We lose sight of really the joy that we can have in our everyday life. It’s possible to be highly, highly productive, to create an amazing, incredible business that impacts your life, the life of your family and the lives of your customers, and enjoy it. What a novel concept that is, right?

Kris:

Absolutely.

Tanya:

Let’s wake up in the morning on fire. Let’s remember that fire in our belly that got us to start these businesses. Or if that fire is not there, let’s shift gears and find where that fire is. I think that’s really important, to tie into that in intuition that we have within us that I feel like there’s something more, and to accept it and to say, “Okay, if there’s something more, what do I think it is?” Giving yourself the space and the grace to find it?

Tanya:

I think that’s the thing is, if we don’t know the answer right away, we think, “Oh, this is just me being dissatisfied.” That’s like, “No, it’s okay to acknowledge that you’re not quite happy or content from where you are. What can I do to change that for myself?” You have that power of choice, and we forget that we get to choose. You’re never painted into a corner. It’s funny, because recently, I had a conversation with a husband. We were making some shifts and making some changes. I said, “It’s funny, I thought I was painted into a corner, I forgot to look up and realize there’s no walls.” There’s no walls, especially when you run your own business like, you’re never pinned into a corner. I think that’s really powerful to remember.

Kris:

Well, I think that you’ve struck on a really important point. That there are so many constructs that have been created over the hundreds and hundreds of years, right? That sort of dictate to us what things are supposed to look like, right?

Tanya:

Yes.

Kris:

There are very few people really who step out of that and live sort of these anomalous, I’m not saying that right, lives that-

Tanya:

Well, we follow you.

Kris:

Yeah.

Tanya:

The anomaly.

Kris:

I know that comes from our innate need to be a part of the tribe and not be ostracized, and all the things that’s all very innate in us, but talk about being able to shift gears. One of the themes I’m hearing in you, and you called it an abundance mindset. One of the things that I know I’ve said to myself and I’ve talked to other clients about is that we either … I was at Carol Dweck, who does the Mindset Book. Was that?

Tanya:

Yes.

 

 

Kris:

But we either believe all things are possible or we don’t, right. There’s this belief inside that initiation of reinventing something. I had this conversation with my son not long ago. I’ve always, even when things are awful, I’ve always just had this belief like things are going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.

Tanya:

Yes. We’re going to get through.

Kris:

Yeah. That belief allows me to probably take some risks that maybe other people don’t feel as comfortable doing. So what I’m always trying to figure out is how to help people see that you’re experiencing your life, that your joy, that your contentment, that your fulfillment is the priority. Especially for women, because I mean-

Tanya:

Absolutely,

Kris:

You very well had said, “I’ll just keep it till the kids go to school. Then we’ll figure something else out.”

Tanya:

Oh, it’s so easy. It’s so easy to blame everything on our kids.

Kris:

Right.

Tanya:

Right? Those kinds of things. I can’t do these things because of my kids. We have to tie a lot of that mom guilt into it.

 

Kris:

Yeah. Women believe that. It’s the responsible thing.

Tanya:

We do, yes.

Kris:

The responsible thing to do is to keep business. It’s paying the bills. Who am I to think that I should pursue my dream? Right? I have all these other people who I’m responsible. Yeah, I actually had a coaching conversation. This was right after I got laid off, and I started my business and I was about eight months in. I probably scratched together $4,000. Right? It wasn’t going great. I was in my master coach training. That was the thought I was thinking is that it’s irresponsible for me to pursue my own dreams.

Tanya:

That’s an easy belief to fall into.

Kris:

Yeah.

Tanya:

Yeah.

Kris:

I think it’s just perpetuated socially.

Tanya:

Absolutely, absolutely.

Kris:

Previously. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so let’s talk about On Purpose. Let’s talk about what you really identify as the, I don’t know, what do you call them? The core tenets of living an extraordinary life on purpose.

Tanya:

Yes.

Kris:

Yeah. What would you like to share with us?

Tanya:

Well, honestly, the entire book is about the power of choice. Every chapter is about a choice that we can make. Really understanding that it is by choosing that we create an extraordinary life for ourselves. Our lives have the ability to be extraordinary. So it really is, and I walk you through. There are four sections of the book: reflection, projection, action, and alteration. We walk through those four steps to really understand and to help you recognize and realize the choices that you do have. I think so often we’re so busy chasing busy, that we forget that we have the power of choice. So there’s things like choosing to disrupt your patterns, looking at your past and choosing to change it, to shift it. We can look at our past also and use those breadcrumbs to remind us of what we’re capable of. Sometimes you have to see how far you’ve come to know how far you can go.

Tanya:

Right? But you talked about that just a moment ago, we can choose our identity. We can choose how we identify ourselves. I think this is a really big thing for women, especially women CEOs, stepping in fully into our expertise and owning that with no fear of what other people are going to think or letting go of that imposter syndrome, choosing how we identify ourselves is incredibly important. But we often wait for someone else to identify us as an expert or as something of value. Right? Why can’t we choose that for ourselves? Choosing to see your future, choosing to find your focus. A lot of people hide behind that identity of multi-passionate. I’m a multi-passionate person, which is just a way of saying, I can’t focus. Then if I focus-

Kris:

Can’t make up my mind.

Tanya:

Yeah. I can’t make up my mind. Choosing to focus is a big one, choosing to invest in yourself, choosing to release your fears, choosing to create the time, that’s a big one because people love to blame time. It’s not choosing to find the time, it’s choosing to create it. Because we are the creators of our time, we are the owners of our time. Then choosing to give grace, all of those are choices we make on a regular basis that define us, that tell us what we’re capable of, that feed that little voice in our head, whether it’s the kind of voice of our intuition or the angry voice of our limiting beliefs.

Tanya:

All of those things inform how we feel about our world because it is your world. You make these choices that create that world around you. Choosing to choose is incredibly important. But oftentimes, we choose not to choose. It’s kind of a funny phrase, right? We make a lot of choices without even recognizing that we’re choosing those things.

Kris:

Yeah. Well, ultimately, right, I think it’s Gary Vee that says this. I think I’ve read him writing this or something, right? That happiness is found in total accountability. If you accept total accountability for all of the circumstances of your life, you just take responsibility and accountability for them, that’s where happiness is. Because as soon as you blame or justify or make excuses for you are now obviously positioning yourself as a victim to your circumstance, but that also begets misery and suffering and all the other things that go with that. Right?

Tanya:

It’s so true, having that victim stance of the universe is against me or I never have enough time, if you take accountability for how you’re choosing those things to work for you, then you’re going to be happier because you have ownership over what you’re doing and what your world looks like. I think that’s incredibly powerful. I think sometimes women especially will get riled up with the idea of control. When we talk about what we can control versus what we can’t, and there’s this thing with women that we worry about being controlling.

Tanya:

All that is is a worry about how we are perceived. We’ll do anything to not be perceived as … I don’t know if you allow this language, but being a bitch. I mean, we ‘ll do anything to not be seen as a bitch. We’ll make ourselves smaller and cram ourselves inside.

Kris:

Well, there are some people who are happy to be called that.

 

Tanya:

Yes, there are some of them. Yes, indeed.

Kris:

Every damn sweatshirt.

Tanya:

Yeah, but no, I know, because it’s such a negative label. It is.

Kris:

Yes, like saying all in one word, you’re uncaring, mean, self-serving, aggressive, awful human. Right?

Tanya:

Well, and it comes down to again, that whole idea of how we want to choose to identify ourselves. It’s this whole idea with being a boss, right? We soften it. We say things like girl boss, lady boss, Mompeneur. Right, all those things to soften the word “boss”. What’s wrong with just being the boss? You know what the problem is with boss? This is one of the things I talk about in this book is I started to investigate, why is it that women feel … I mean, we don’t call men “hunk boss”, right? I mean, can we start that? That’d be funny, right? Hunk boss, boy boss. You would think that was ridiculous, for Gary Vee to go on stage and talk about that he is a boy boss.

Kris:

Right.

Tanya:

But the thing is, is as girls, we were taught that if we were overconfident, we were bossy. Boys are never called bossy. They’re called overconfident. Girls are told they’re bossy, and they’re redirected to play nice. So we have this whole fear of boss and bossiness because those go hand in hand. It’s really pretty interesting when you start to choose to embrace your identity as a CEO, as a boss, the universe starts showing up for you in ways that you are projecting out. I think that’s what’s amazing, is it really is your world that you created.

 

Kris:

One of the exercises I have my clients do in the How To CEO Program, the first things we do is we change on the Zoom call your name, and then we put comma, CEO.

Tanya:

I like that.

Kris:

Yeah. Just to watch how their brain loses its mind. Literally, right? People are like …

Tanya:

Like, “Ew, so nervous. Can I do this?”

Kris:

“I’m not a CEO.” Yeah, I had a conversation with someone yesterday who is in the healing profession. She talked about how it just took forever for her to really adopt that because they feel like they’re contracting. So all to say, right, that if you want to recreate who you are, how you experience the world, how other people experience you, it begins as … I love what you’re saying, right? It begins with a choice.

Kris:

I love that you said, you first have to choose to choose. I can’t imagine just right now, even I’m going to ask you what you sort of help people do, because I know you have a blueprint also that we want to talk about. But I can even see myself with my notepad writing down choices I haven’t chosen. Right? There’s a lot. Where am I still not choosing? I’m either ignoring, abdicating, hiding, tolerating. Right?

Tanya:

We tolerate a lot, we tolerate a lot.

Kris:

That’s even a choice. That’s a choice, right?

 

Tanya:

It is.

Kris:

It doesn’t feel like it’s on purpose, as you’ve said. It’s was, it’s comfortable. Instead of …

Tanya:

Well, our brain is designed to make choices without us thinking about it. That’s a great thing. We don’t want to have to think about when we touch the hot stove, we don’t want to have to think, “Wow, I should probably raise my hand up.” Our brain makes that decision for us, like, “Oh, I’m going to move my hand, right?” Or when we sneeze, we automatically shut our eyes and we cover our mouth because we’ve been trained to do that. We don’t actively choose that. Our body just snaps into, “Okay. We’re making a choice here.” So it’s a little bit of understanding how your brain works. Then stopping that train, getting it off those tracks and saying, “Okay, I’m going to choose.”

Tanya:

Great. You can choose the things, like getting my heart to beat, getting me to breathe, blinking my eyes, all those things, but really stopping and assessing and figuring out. That’s why reflection is where we start this book. It’s really about reflecting on, “Have you made choices? Where have you not made choices? Where have you just leaned in and said, ‘Well, this is just the pattern of my past.’ I have no choice because I don’t have an education.” I could have easily said, “I’ve never taken a business course in my life, not one single class in college on business.” I could have said, “Well, there’s no way I can do this.” But I chose to ignore that. I chose to say, “Who cares? I’ll figure it out.” Right? I got my MBA on the mean streets. That’s not true, but it is.

Kris:

Sounds good.

Tanya:

It’s all about how we want to see ourselves and view ourselves. I think it really comes down to choosing.

 

Kris:

Okay. So for women listening, who are now I’m sure, as am I, like, “This is so interesting, what choices do I need to make on purpose?” Where do we start?

Tanya:

Well, we start with reflection. We do we start by looking backwards so then we can move forward. What are the patterns of your past that you want to disrupt? What are the patterns of your past that you want to lean into? Your past is this amazing fertile ground. So often we want to just shove it under the rug. We want to pretend like it’s not there because there’s some oozy hurt. There’s some pain and there’s some trauma there. It feels like you don’t want to lift that bandage and take a loo because it doesn’t feel good.

Tanya:

But when you lift the bandages, that air gets in. That’s when healing starts. I like to tell people that those shiny trophies of our past, the things we’re really proud of, those are amazing. Those are great to hold up and to look at and say, “Oh, I can do these things.” It’s really pain that’s the most fertile ground. It’s regret that we can push against, that’s stronger. I mean, we don’t make the decision to lose the 10 pounds or the pants get too tight.

Tanya:

We don’t make the decision to leave work early until we’ve overworked ourselves to death, and we’ve missed dinner with the kids again. Right? We push against pain so much stronger, so much harder than we push towards pleasure. So starting with that reflection process I think is incredibly important. Then we move into the projection. What is it I want? What do I think I really want in my future? Then we move into action. How am I going to do that? Then we move into alteration. What happens now when life happens, right? Those are all four steps that we go through. In the book, I also walk through these in the Extraordinary Life Blueprint.

Tanya:

Where it is. It’s not difficult, and I think that’s the thing that’s important for people to understand. I feel like that word “purpose”, it could feel heavy, right? Oh gosh, purpose is this big word. Living on purpose is not about changing who you are. It’s rising up to become the best version of you. It’s making these, I call them small-huge movements, simple to implement, easy to manage, but monumental in the impact they make in your daily life. It doesn’t have to be difficult. What I teach is not rocket science. You don’t have to have a PhD.

 

Tanya:

It’s actually really, really simple steps to be able to live a life that feels purposeful, that feels meaningful, that feels extraordinary. I want more women to go to bed at night and go, “Gosh, I did good today.”

Kris:

Yeah. It was a good day.

Tanya:

Today was amazing, right? Yeah. We don’t have enough days like that.

Kris:

Being asleep before your head hits the pillow. That’s not it, no?

Tanya:

Yes.

Kris:

Yeah. I think that there’s a powerful essence in what you’re saying around knowing yourself. When you used the band aid example, that’s a really powerful one. Because when we get injured physically, right, we just want to do everything to not feel the pain. So when we go through those experiences also emotionally, we shut them off.

Tanya:

We do that.

Kris:

Yeah, that excavation of self-awareness. I was actually listening to an interview the other day on NPR, a woman who wrote a book, Insight. I know, there’s a tagline that goes with it. But she was talking about self awareness. She was saying that really nine to 10% of us really ever achieve true self awareness because we tend to ask ourselves the wrong questions. What I love about what you said is she said that what we do is we tend to ask a lot of why. Why is this happening to me? Why did I end up here? That just fosters more trapped negative thinking. Whereas what did I learn from this? What could I do? What could I do with this next time?

Tanya:

What can I do differently?

Kris:

Yes. That’s that piece that I think you’re talking about too, when you’re talking about even alterations, right? You get to a place, you try something that doesn’t work. Instead of saying, “Why didn’t it work,” It’s more like, “Oh, what did I learn?” Yeah.

Tanya:

What did I get from that? Yeah. :et me give a quick example of how I’ve used that as a CEO. We had a shipment of our orders come in. My whole warehouse is jampacked full of pallets and boxes. It’s like that scene from Indiana Jones where they’re putting the arc back there, and it’s just jam packed. I go and I open up the first box, and everything inside is ruined. It’s like packed wrong. Every planner in there is not sellable. I open up box after box after box. They’re all ruined, all of these, like thousands and thousands of products. So just to make a long story short, we had to kind of Frankenstein all these books. This is several years ago, had to redo everything.

Tanya:

I spent three months working insane hours, seven days a week, 15 hour days, wearing myself out. The kids went straight from school to the warehouse, sat there in the warehouse while I did these kinds of things, helped out. I got to the end of that season. I felt like the world’s worst mom. I felt terrible. I was like, “What did I do with my kids for the past three months?” Nothing. Nothing. I worked the whole time. That was something that was really hard to say out loud. I had to say it out loud so my own ears could hear it. But that was when I made the decision that I was no longer working past 3:00 Monday through Thursday, and I was going to take Friday’s off.

Tanya:

I have lived that life as a CEO since that moment. If I hadn’t had that pain, if I hadn’t stopped and thought to myself, world’s worst mom, what did I do? What did I learn from this? I learned I didn’t want to do that again. If I want to not do that, again, I need to create stronger boundaries. So I used that pain of feeling like a terrible mom to push me to the life I want. Now I’ve been doing that for several years, and I love it. I’m so much happier for it. I couldn’t have gotten there if I didn’t have that moment of pain.

 

Kris:

Right. But you also captured the experience of the pain and used some reflection, right, and made a choice.

Tanya:

Yes.

Kris:

How you wanted to invent things. It’s interesting, right? Not working past 3:00, you socialize that in the world and people are like, “What? How do you do that?”

Tanya:

What? Hold on, what?

Kris:

Are you dropping the ball?

Tanya:

Yeah. You work four-day weeks? How do you run your business? Is it a real business? I’m like making seven figures, baby. Yeah, feel pretty solid with that.

Kris:

Yeah. Money is real. Yeah.

Tanya:

Money is real.

Kris:

The money is real.

Tanya:

I mean, we’re doing all right.

Kris:

Yeah. Probably more so. More so because you are fulfilled and more joy filled, right?

Tanya:

Yes. Well, and it really helped me choose. There’s that word again. It helped me choose what’s most important. What do I really want spend my time doing? If I’m getting off work every day at 3:00, what does that mean I got to get rid of? What does it mean that I no longer doing? That is really important because we think we have to do all the things, right? And we don’t. Every time opportunity comes knocking, we don’t have to open up that door.

Tanya:

It’s not always our opportunity. Sometimes it’s somebody else’s opportunity. That’s hard. As a business owner, we worry that oh, this is going to pass me by, and I’m going to miss out. Well, name my first book was Joy of Missing Out. There’s some joy in choosing to miss out, just say no to a lot of those things and choosing to say yes to the life you want. We do that with reflection, through pushing against the pain.

Kris:

Yeah. Really learning, really paying attention to who you are and what you want for yourself in your life. I love that. I love the idea too that you could choose again. So you might decide, “You know what, I’m actually going to stop working at 1:00. I’m going to take Thursday’s off.”

Tanya:

Why not?

Kris:

You could do things again. Yes. A lot of people think a choice is a choice is a choice. Like, no, no, no,

Tanya:

It’s not a crock pot, just set it and forget it. You can keep adjusting it.

Kris:

Yeah.

Tanya:

Yeah. Well, and that’s why I talk to people about it’s really important to be regularly checking in with your goals, with that vision that you have for your company, with your Northstar, your mission, your vision, your core values. Each quarter, just stopping and spending a little bit of time. It doesn’t take much. Just stopping and reassessing and asking, “Is this still for me?” Sometimes that answer is going to be no. You just did that recently with your podcast, where it’s like, is this really working for me?

Tanya:

You can’t make that decision. If you’re in the throes of busyness. If you don’t stop, take a step back and go, “Am I feeling fulfilled by this? Am I feeling happy with what I’m doing here?” It’s okay if the answer is sometimes no, because you have the power to choose. You have the power to reinvent, you have the power to transform, to evolve, to grow. I mean, think about who you are now versus who you were five, 10 years ago. You’ve changed. What’s wrong with making the choice to change? You’ve done it in the past. So why can’t you do it moving forward? So taking control of that and choosing to see that you have that ability, I think is really, really powerful for us as-

Kris:

So powerful.

Tanya:

Not just as CEOs, but us as women, as a whole, leaning into who we are, into our intuition, and into our desires and not feeling like taking care of our needs and our desires is selfish, because it’s not. Because when we’re taking care of those needs of ours, we’re filling our cup, and it overflows. It flows into everyone, we come into contact with. Our clients, our customers, our kids, our spouses, our friends, our community, and we’re able to give even more.

Kris:

Yep.

Tanya:

So it’s never selfish to give to yourself because when you give to yourself, you give more to others. You give the best version of you to others. I think that’s what I want women to realize. Because we do, we have a lot of guilt. We have a lot of worry about how things are going to look, how things are going to appear. What are people going to think if I do things on my own terms? When people say, “What are you thinking leaving work at 3:00?” I tell them, I’m thinking, “Yes, I’m leaving work at 3:00.”

Kris:

Yeah. Thank you. Yeah.

Tanya:

I’m going home. I’m putting my mom hat on. Yeah. That doesn’t bother me. Other people questioning my choices doesn’t mean my choices are wrong. It just means that maybe they’re questioning their own choices, and that has no bearing on me. I cannot control what other people think, feel, believe about me. All I can control is what I think, feel and believe about myself.

Kris:

Which you have pay attention to.

Tanya:

A way to stand in that.

Kris:

Then you can make those choices on purpose. Right? Really your own wisdom to listen to. Okay, so tell us about the Extraordinary Life Blueprint, and how to get your book, and where to go and do all the things?

Tanya:

Yes. Well, what I’m excited about with the Extraordinary Life Blueprint is the tagline for it is, “A paint by numbers system to set up your year for success.”

Kris:

Love it.

Tanya:

It’s a course that I have created. It’s a 14-day course that’s designed to be simple for you to implement. So you can really set up your year for success. It really mimics what we talk about in the book. It allows you to dive deeper into it. What I love about it is I’ve created it so that it is free if you pre-order the book. So as my thank you for pre-ordering the book, you get this course for free.

Tanya:

So after I think it’s September 30, we’re going to be charging for it because it’s an excellent program. I’m really excited about it. But as my thank you for women pre-ordering the book and supporting me, supporting the message. That’s how we get the word out there, about books like this. This is what tells Amazon to showcase the book. This is what tells people like Barnes and Noble to put the book at the front table, move aside all those men’s books and put these women’s in front.

Kris:

Yeah. Right? Yeah.

Tanya:

It’s through the pre-orders. So that’s a wonderful way to support women CEOs, women authors. So as my thank you, I am giving you this course. So you can find out about it at https://tanyadalton.com/elb for Extraordinary Life Blueprint.

Kris:

Perfect.

Tanya:

But yeah, I’m really excited. I love for people to take action. I never want someone to listen to an episode with me or close the cover of a book and feel like, “Okay, great. Now what?” I want them to feel like, “All right. I know what I need to do to take action.” Then to go and do it. That’s what I think is exciting. When I talk to you about the podcast and you’re like, “Here’s my ideas for Seasons.” I’m like, “This is what I love. This makes me happy.” That’s my way of making that happen.

Kris:

I love it. You guys, Tanya is such a vast cauldron, it’s not the right word. But you just have such incredible insights and wisdom to share with people. So connecting with Tanya, going to her website and getting involved in the work that she does in the world, buying her books so that you can get her course is an invaluable investment. So I can’t stress enough how much I’ll be doing it. When can I pre-order this book? When does the book go on sale? The pre-order.

Tanya:

The book is on sale now.

Kris:

Oh, the pre-orders are-

Tanya:

The book is available right now. The pre-orders are right now, like right now. Then the pre-order period ends when the book comes out, that’s considered then the book is launched.

Kris:

Okay. Fair enough.

Tanya:

Yes. So yes.

Kris:

Go now, immediately.

Tanya:

Yeah. Go right now.

Kris:

Can I find it on Amazon too? Can I buy the book on Amazon?

Tanya:

Yes, Amazon, Barnes and Noble. I don’t know if it’s on Target.com just yet, Indie Books, a bookshop, which is a great way to support independent bookstores as well, all of those work.

 

Kris:

Okay. One more time, the title is?

Tanya:

On Purpose: The Busy Woman’s Guide to an Extraordinary Life of Meaning and Success.

Kris:

Brilliant.

Tanya:

That’s what I want. I want women to have an extraordinary life. So thank you so much for the kind words.

Kris:

Well, you’re certainly modeling.

Tanya:

You had to say. Well, thank you. You are as well, Kris, you are as well.

Kris:

Well, thank you for being here. It was lovely to chat with you. I’m super excited to share your work with everyone. Go get the book and make some choices. Maybe just one today, one new choice. Just to start.

Tanya:

I love the idea of that.

Kris:

Yeah.

Tanya:

Okay. That’s all you need, is one little step.

Kris:

Have a good day.

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